August 26, 2011

I'm single, thank you.

Just to let ya’ll know, that the sole purpose for me to write this thing is out of my sincerity to share an experience from a close friend. I really don't mean to hurt any one in any way. Please forgive me if I did.

I have a friend, let me just call her Thea* not her real name. She's a bubbly girl, full of life and would never hurt a single soul if she could. Here's her story...

A year ago, when she was so anxious and kinda ready to get to know guys, there, this guy appeared in her life. Let's just call him Mr. B. She met him through a mutual friend, and from what I remember, the day he contacted her, via facebook, was the day that completely changed her life. For a year or so. Getting to know this Mr.B was something she truly cherished, as she really was quite unsure how they connected like mad crazy in just a week! They clicked in an instant after chatting together for hours in a couple of weeks. She met other guys too at that stage, but none of them was incomparable with the chemistry she had with Mr.B.

They shared lotsa common interests and found out they hated and loved the same things in life. Their fears and dreams were like frighteningly the same!! He doesn't just finish her sentences, he already knew what she was gonna say and beat her to it! :P He respects her as a girl and for who she is and never judged her and her background at all. He gave her advices and calmed her down when she was in pain. He supported in everything that she did, and was her backbone to every bit of her success that she went through. He would practically come all the way to her house to surprise her (they live very far fyi) sometimes. They wanted to travel to the same places. They daydreamed of such beautiful stories that they themselves created and played along, they planned such amazing things to do together, shared songs that they both were mutually in love of too. Simply put, he was like the earphone to her iPod. Okay that was not a very good comparison. But you get the gist, yeah?

Everything was so unbelievably awe-inspiring. You know those fluttery feeling you get for a person? She gets it every time she's with him be it on the phone, or in person. She loved the way he cared for her, the slanted tone that he makes every time he calls her by her name, the way he was there for her through all of her good and bad times, he made her laugh so much at times she even cried in front of the pc while chatting with him I remember. She looked like a total doofus. Hehe. She questioned herself too, " How can this dude, actually let me let down my guard and gave him all of my trust to, so fast, despite that he wasn’t my type of guy at all and we barely knew each other". You know, when you sometimes have those ‘my-type-of-guy’ list that you hold on to. To her, he definitely wasn’t. He didn’t wear spectacles, he wasn’t spike-y haired, he smoked (that's her biggest NO NO) and he played the most boring sport ever—golf!! :P Love is very blinding you see! She automatically accepted his flaws that she'd normally disapprove of with other guys and figures that it's what inside that counts. And he was undoubtedly beautiful on the inside.

Their friendship bloomed, he asked how her days were, they hung out, he taught her how to handle the dslr, while she taught him how to edit photos (they were crazy about photography and cameras), they exchanged gifts, exchanged CDs of love songs and love stories, they argued and made up the very next day, they constantly shared songs and lyrics, talked on the phone and chatted and skyped for long hours just like any ‘close friend’ would do. He was there for her, and she was there for him. He just inspires her in so many ways, and the connection they had was real I can tell. She was basically the honey and he was the bee. And I was happy for my dear friend cause she seems sooo happy at the moment... But... Not for long though…

She really didn’t know what went wrong. Was it her? Was it him? Was it timing? Was it another person? Or was she the other person? Was she not pretty enough? Many questions went through her mind. But sad to say, the thing she feared the most was that the friendship they had begin to eventually die. She cried herself to sleep at night for weeks because she misses this one particular person so bad, misses the tight friendship they once had, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it. She tried though. It just didn’t work I guess.

Then came Ramadhan 2011, a perfect month for us Muslims to be closer to Allah, and improve ourselves towards our deen. So, yeah, I can fairly say, sometimes she still cry at nights *note: She's a total crybaby*, I asked her why, she told me only because she was ashamed, for crying over a guy for so many times. Whilst Allah was there for her all this while, she has been nothing but thinking of Mr.B everyday and crying for the guy!! She cried for the friendship that died. She cried for what they could've become but didn't.

She told me, when she performs her solat, she'd made sure there was a dua for Mr. B at the very end of it. This is true I tell ya. She cared so much for this person, that she’d never once stop praying for his well-being in this world and the hereafter. The irony was, the more she’d pray for him, the more clearer Allah showed her, or made her come to a realisation that theres a reason to why their friendship died. He, the Almighty, was actually PROTECTING HER. He was protecting her from doing sinful things (like how most couples nowadays do-I don’t have to mention it here yeah? You guys can understand, right?) Now only she'd realize that everything happens for a reason, and she is very accepting of the fact that Mr. B and her are not close anymore. She doesn't cry for him nor think of him anymore too. That’s a big improvement for her I can say.. This is what I love about Ramadhans. *Pats on her back* She is more than happy in this current state, even though sometimes she told me she worries too about the future of her relationship status. All women do, right? To me, that’s just satan, whispering, to make her feel insecure. It's our relationship with Him, is what we all need to work on.

I know, when the time is right, the right man will sweep her off her feet along with a solemnisation certificate in hand. And at that moment, she will be the happiest girl in the world. Isn’t it amazing what you can do with your partner when everything is halal? Teehee! When it’s haram, everything just feels so wrong and full of guilt, right?

My point here is, to all you single girls, it's okay to be single. Do not fret, but instead, be thankful that Allah actually picked to protect YOU from the petty sins that we might do with boys (Flirt, holding hands etc). Your moment will soon arrive before you know it. =) And to you girls that already are in a relationship, do remember that you are also lucky to be having an another half to whom you wanna share your life with, I just hope you guys will ponder and change the way you and your partner’s way in a relationship. Remember, a blessed relationship begins with a clean plate. Imagine you're about to attend a buffet dinner, and there's this long line of delicious foods that awaits you. But then you go and pick a dirty plate for you to enjoy your entire meal. Yes, you can still eat, but wouldn't the rest of your eating journey then be very bland and urm, uninteresting? Had you chosen the cleaner plate, the buffet journey would be such a pleasing experience you would actually get later on. Gahhh! Me and my comparisons.. I do this a lot, but somehow not sure whether the message gets through or not.. Kikiki...

I actually work with Wardina Safiyyah (a Malaysian celebrity), and getting to know her personally, I really really am amazed at how she is now. Upon getting to know her now-husband, she never ever once held his hand before getting married together. That’s just one example I can tell you. I'm sure there are lots more that we don't know. Look at how blessed and filled with barakah her family is right now. Her eight year old daughter voluntarily wakes up by herself for Subuh prayers everyday!! Ya Allah! :’) When can we all have that..? :')

With this post, I’ve attached a very insightful dua for us all (forgive me international readers, it's in Malay) that I forwarded to Thea too,

***

Allah yang Maha Pemurah.. terima kasih Engkau telah menciptakan dia dan mempertemukan ku dengannya.
Terima kasih untuk saat-saat yang indah yang boleh kami nikmati bersama,
Terima kasih untuk setiap pertemuan yang boleh kami lalui bersama,
Terima kasih untuk setiap saat-saat yang lalu,
Aku datang bersujud di hadapan-Mu,
Sucikan hatiku Ya Allah, sehingga dapat melaksanakan kehendak dan rencana-Mu dalam hidupku.

Ya Allah, jika aku bukan pemilik tulang rusuknya,
Janganlah biarkan aku merindukan kehadirannya,
Janganlah biarkan aku melabuhkan hatiku di hatinya,
Kikislah pesonanya dari pelupuk mataku dan usirlah dia dari relung hatiku,
Gantikan damba kerinduan dan cinta yang bersemayam di dada ini dengan kasih dari dan pada-Mu yang tulus dan murni.
Tolonglah agar aku dapat mengasihinya sebagai sahabat.

Tetapi jika Kau ciptakan dia untukku, Ya Allah..
Tolonglah satukan hati kami,
Bantulah aku untuk mencintai, mengerti dan menerimanya seutuhnya,
Berikanku kesabaran, ketekunan dan kesungguhan untuk memenangi hatinya.
Urapilah dia agar dia juga mencintai, mengerti dan mahu menerimaku dengan segala kelebihan dan kekuranganku sebagaimana aku telah Engkau ciptakan.
Yakinkanlah dia bahawa aku sungguh-sungguh mencintai dan rela membagi suka dan dukaku dengannya.

Ya Allah yang Maha Pengasih, dengarlah doaku ini.
Lepaskanlah aku dari keraguan ini menurut kasih dan kehendak-Mu

Allah yang Maha Kekal, aku tahu Engkau sentiasa memberikan yang terbaik buatku.
Luka dan keraguan yang aku alami pasti ada hikmahnya.
Pergumulan ini mengajar aku untuk hidup makin dekat pada-Mu, untuk lebih peka terhadap suara-Mu yang membimbing aku menuju terang-Mu.
Ajarlah aku untuk tetap setia dan sabar menanti tibanya waktu yang telah Engkau tentukan.

Jadilah kehendak-Mu dan bukan kehendakku yang jadi dalam setiap bagian hidupku, Ya Allah..
Amin..

***


Allah just wants the best for us, all you need to do is trust Him.

Reedited: Please read this and listen to the song if you have the time. It really is empowering! I love every bit of the point the writer has written in that post :D

Till we meet again in my next post, meanwhile, EID MUBARAK to all the Muslims in the world, and forgive me for all of my wrongdoings. Together, we change for the better, insyaAllah =)
Be First to Post Comment !
Aida Asyikin said...

I love it ! :))

Skinny Yash said...

Totally in love with your entry! :)

Puput Utami said...

get the point, Shea.. love it :)

csuciani said...

another good example

http://csuciani.blogspot.com

Cik Sehari said...

Thank you so much Shea...

fiqaliqa said...

love his entry so much, may i share the dua ?

shea said...

fiqaliqa:
please do, darling :)

Sizzling Suzai said...

beautiful writing..n yep im all single..thanks Allah for protecting me here..

putri setiani said...

LOVE this post :)

Thanks for sharing, and please tell Thea that if we sacrifice something for Him (or in the path of obeying His command), He will definitely give super much better thing in return.

My prays for her, and for you. :)

asyiqin nasir said...

alhamdulillah. May Allah protect us.

Darling said...

dear shea, im going thru a divorce n this dua helps me realising things.. thanx for sharing..

Anonymous said...

Shea;
You and your writing are just fabulous...Thanks for sharing..

luvpinkja said...

love this entry. keep it up darl !
u inspired me enough. thanks
thanks Allah :)

shea said...

darling:
Ya Allah! All my sympathies for you... I hope that you are strong to go through it, and may one day you'll achieve eternal happiness whenever the time is right.
Take good care of your health, and be strong,okay? :)

luv,
shea

oshinz said...

shea, i want to copy the doa.. =)

dilla ohh lala said...

shea..
thanks a lot! i feel the same once before. and now i da jumpe my mr right. thanks for sharing.. :)

Atiqah Az'Am said...

tq for this entry...

tqvm..

liyani rasdi said...

luv this entry sooo much..!!
thnx for the advice n sharing this story...learn smthng from dat...:)

btw, can i copy the doa??

hafiza ali said...

ds best entry from u.n i really love da dua.

Puput said...

It's inspiring. I totally agree with you. :)

saidatul_syamin said...

when i read this, i'm burst out into tears. i was once in this kind of situation and whenever i think of him, i will cry. a lot. though i've told myself not to and forgo the past, but it still remain inside.

maybe, it's time for me to move on. and your doa will help me a lot. thanx sis. :)

white purple flower said...

this entry is so beautiful :)

pikah said...

ni laa entri paling power yg pernah gua baca!! keep it up! gua bahagia membaca entri ni

Harliansyah Kartika said...

Subhanallah ..
what a beautiful post ^^,
Thanks for sharing :)

Anonymous said...

Every single ladies or broken heart should read this.

Thanks shea for sharing this excellent entry..

May Allah bless you and all of us :)

miss senyum said...

ya Allah, tersentuh hati bila baca entry ni. my single day not worst without him because Allah never leave me alone :')

Fathiah Athirah said...

Oh dear. Exactly what I've been through. Alhamdulillah. God's plan is beyond ours. May Allah bless you, always. :)

fqh.m said...

nice entry :) may i share??

LaiLa said...

The history it's so beautiful, above all the end :) I'm sad I don't understand the Du'a, but no problem with it! :D

eastiharah hairin said...

superb entry..i've been through this before Ramadhan..then Ramadhan is coming and giving me strength..=)

may I share the doa??

Stylish Muslimah said...

That's why in Islam girls and boys shouldn't be "friends" in the first place. Salam.

fatien A. said...

Hi Kak Shea, I've been your silent reader for all this while - never dropped a comment nor liked your posts. But today, this very post has made me burst out into tears. Frankly, yeah, this post slaps me real hard. I was a real noob back then, even now. I always cry myself out whenever he ignores me, my texts or phone calls. But I seldom cry when it's between me and The Almighty. Shame on me. Though, I have had a thought, thinking whether I'd be willing to leave him, to be just friends, but I just can't. I know myself that I need to repair my divinity towards God :( Thanks sis, for sharing what's been playing in my mind :')

Miera Aziz said...

I love your writing!

Everything just same as me.
Well, already found something yang could describe my situation now.
Thanks Shea!
Very nice entry.

Send my regards to Thea.

myra abdullah said...

subahanallah..
sis,
thanks for this sincerely entry.
my tear drop down while reading your writing.
it happened to me,my best friend changed..just like Thea but Thea is lucky,ALLAH swt protect her from being sinful with..dot..dot.but my best friend vise versa.she become someone i dislike most.
she.. disappointed me.
i hope ALLAH SWT will protect her just like Thea.=}

sis,may ALLAH SWT bless you,world and hereafter.^-^

frantiqueene said...

thanx kak shea... this entry really had bring me back to realization...
may i have ur permission to share the du'a please? :)

Anonymous said...

Shea...you write this as if this is your story... And I bet it is... Anyway, you were right to go back to Allah s.w.t... Love before marriage is never is from Allah...It's from Syaitan...

shea said...

masyaAllah!! I'm so overwhelmed with the response you girls have given me from this post! Never did I knew that most of us have went through a phase as hurtful as this. Yes, you are most welcomed to share the dua and everything you find beneficial for you here :)

I hope and pray that we will together achieve greatness and happiness in the world with blessings from Allah, as high as the sky reaches. Let's learn from each other, mmkays? :))

Thank you so very much, to every single soul that read, cried and agreed with me on this post.

Have a merry Aidilfitri, and be safe wherever you are! :D

God, I should really become a writer! My comment is equivalent to a post's length! :PP

NzahidahZ said...

hye Shea, i've been your silent readers too all this while..hehe..and just so u know that all you said is absolutely true and ive experienced it tho~ and Alhamdulillah, so far when we become close to Allah, Allah will always protect us and yet, Alhamdulillah slowly He has answered my prayers and Doa..i can see all the hikmah now... =)

Etong said...

a blessed relationship begins with a clean plate.
love this sayings. thankyou for sharing this lovely story. it is, Allah wish to do things that Allah wants. you will never know whats it something behind it. :)

Anak Tajul Molok said...

thanks shea!!! terasa mcm wake up balik dgn bace ur post.. AllahuAkbar...

- Mimi - said...

nice story..

boo said...

oh my shea..u've make me cry for this lurvely post...like most gurl, i experienced it too..everything happened last year and alhamdulillah..this Ramadhan help me to come closer to Him. my life is now happier than before when we redha. i lurve the doa..thnxx alot shea 4 sharing this..so meaningful.

hidaya shamsudin said...

Out of all girls commenting here,I believe I am in the group of "The eldest".

I chose not to write my personal life anywhere online,but as linear as my age,I have fallen for this things many times.

Harder than it sounds,I've gone through the difficulties,and whatmore,when things happened,I was far far away on another land(Japan),no close support from family that time,but I moved on with my life and studies,and made myself strong,all helped by Allah.

When time comes,you don't have to find love,because it will come to you eventually,some in a really drastic way(like soon after the break-up) and some could take longer(2,3 years).

So,always be cheerful,don't put grunge on him and let him with his life.

Believe me,one day he will come and apologize to you for all mistakes he's ever done.

*talking thru experience*

Nurul Fifi Amalina said...

thanks shea. :)

Nurul Fifi Amalina said...

shea, may i share the dua please? thanks :)

hidayahjamal said...

everyone can learn from this story, thanks for sharing,

bestx keje ngan kak wardina~

Ikhlas said...

Wow, beautiful post, Shea!

I can totally relate to everything you wrote about in this blog post. Sometimes being single is a pain and so is waiting for the right person to come along, especially when you see everyone else enjoying themselves around you.

But its important to remember that there is a reason such relationships are haraam and that Allah has something planned for all of us, inshAllah.

JazakAllah for the beautiful post! :)

shea said...

hidaya shamsudin:
thank you soooo much kakak for the sisterly advice!! it really really made my day today... i bet you're the most experienced one here, there's a point to everything u said. tq tq tq for brightening up me and so many other girl's day :D

Salam :))

nurnuha said...

Dear Shea, its a very inspiring story.Ive gone thru almost the same process, and im grateful to have the single status now on the same feeling that- enough is enough.(u know- the fairytale stories) semoga kita terus redha dan belajar utk terus redha dengan ketentuanNya..so..selamat hari raya to you ! have a great one yeah!

Anonymous said...

Salam Sis,

May Allah SWT reward u for givin hidayah in such a gentle beautiful way...

as girls we hav been given the gift of gentle hearts to love & at times that can lead to us being hurt or forgettin what is right from wrong...that is y (as u hav reminded us) there is no such thing as boyfriend/girlfriend relationships in our religion, a guy must make his intentions clear 2 the girl & her wali that he is getting to kno her for marriage (& vice versa)...& no touching what so ever!

Thank u & May Allah SWT keep u strong sister, & may he grant u the most wonderful guy , a partner for this life & the next inshAllah!

ox bornehijab

Adillah said...

salam shea,i've been your silent reader for more than a year now. this is the most inspiring story u ever posted. With ur permission i would like to share the dua on my facebook. I'm hoping my friends will be inspired by it like i do.

Thanks for this beautiful story.

Love,
Dila

izzahjalidar said...

love!

QiQi said...

subhanalloh

super sekali shea ^^

inspiring sangat

mengingatkan tanpa menggurui

Nurhanisah said...

an inspiring post! thank you sis for sharing it here ;)

seri said...

ya Allah,

i keep on reading this post for four times, not because i dont understand, but because i love the way of the story, i like your post, and tag some of my friends, oh my God.
by the way, i bet this is your story, haha. thank you shea, i am the fourth that like this entry,and come today again looking for the comments from readers. :)

soffea said...

in love with this entry :)

anyway, i would like to share this :)

http://ordinarysoffea.blogspot.com/2011/04/allah-sayang-kita.html

feel free to visit :)

NinaAz said...

Ya Allah... GOD bless us..Amin..

Anonymous said...

hi shea,

i really love this entry...love so much (^o*)

Miss Koko said...

love d entry...for me, it's kinda cool being single cause we can mingle as we wanted..slm eid fitri shea...

p/s: i'm single too =b

Captain Jet said...

Saya 26 dan saya tak pernah ada boyfriend and sekarang still tak jumpa my other half.

While I accepted my flaws long time ago and made an effort to improve myself, I found myself pondering why was Allah doing this to me when there are others who are no better than me, if not the same, but are happily married? Thus it struck me that probably Allah is PROTECTING me, just like He protected your friend. I'd probably do those kind of things that you mentioned like holding hands etc because I'm the touchy-feely kinda girl. I do that with all my mates be it male or female. That's one thing I'm trying to control and reduce...insyaAllah.

I love your insight and your thoughtfulness and the love you have for Islam and LOVE in general. It proves that you are not just about fashion only ;) Alhamdulillah.

Nurul Husna said...

love this wonderful tots! really inspiring :D

fiqaliqa said...

may Allah bless us all and lovely sis shea :)

i've share the dua. thanks :)

this entry is such inspiring . seriyes terharu baca.

hoping that Allah give us strength as a muslimah :)

love u sis :)

Nurul Ain said...

salam shea.. may i share the dua? sgt tersentuh membacanya.. ='(

Haute Muslimah said...

What a lovely post Shea. MashaAllah you are so right about everything you mentioned. I think patience is also one of the hardest things for us to learn
:)

Anonymous said...

Hi I have never commented before but this is an amazing post! we can all learn a thing or two from this story. God bless you for sharing this :)

lyana rosli said...

awesome post! i', single & i started to realise, that there's a reason why i'm single; reasons why he is not the one.send my warm regards to Thea! :D btw, mind if i share in my blog?
http://lyanarosli.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

Post yang sangat menyentuh hati..
Tell you friend, dun wori, the day will come when Allah will send him to you...
I can relate to this story because I was in the same situation before and alhamdulilah like u said, Allah wants to protect us from sins...

now, Allah has granted me the one and thank Allah the way we met is so in a way which is in accordance with syariat, i dun have to go looking for husband merata2..dia datang sendiri..and now I believe more in the greatness of God..

nur hafizah said...

Subhanallah..your words and your comparisons,its so lovely;)

i love it.may Allah bless us all:)

hazirah maulizan said...

love it!! :)) may i share the dua?

iekah said...

dear, nak share doa tu ye ;)
sangat bermakna....
btw, luv your entry...

syarina azreen said...

assalamualaikum shea..entry ni sgt mengharukan..saya minta izin mungkin nak publish doa tu jugak..=)

velvetsugarfloss said...

Its indeed a great story. :D and yeah you're right about every single thing that you wrote.

bibi salwa salleh said...

hye sis.
rely like this post.
so like it!
so can i copy ur dua if u don't mind bout it?
thanks!

Atika said...

Hi Shea! You are really a nice woman inside and outside. I read it twice and also all the comments. And I don't know what to write then. May Allah proctect us always. Amin. Thank God I know you, Shea:)

Nurul Aziz said...

kak shea, nak share entry ni boleh?

myra lishey said...

thanks for the entry~
i learnt something from ur entry,
and thank you sooo much for the doa.. :)

FiZ said...

love this entry very much!

Ieka Ahmad said...

Hi Shea :)
I don't know why, but I went through the same thing too just like you. And the thing is, everything you did, I did it too e.g during ramadhan we took the chance to be more closer to Allah and we pray for his well-being in this world and hereafter, and we cried every night. And that Hilary Duff's song, well I listened to the same song too before ! Alhamdulillah I realized that everything happens for a reason and Allah knows what best for us. Alhamdulillah. I think we have this girl chemistry kinda thing :p

Amierah Nabillah said...

shea.. i actually cried reading this post along with the song on. i'm going through this thing. thank you shea, thank you very much :')

misz aisya said...

salam kak shea..tengs for this yah..nak mintak izin copy doa tu n publish kat blog ye..tq