March 27, 2014


Assalamualaikum everyone,

It is evident that some of you might already be aware of the demise of our dear sister Ami Schaheera yesterday. Al-fatihah for Ami, may you rest peacefully and of course, obtain the highest position for all the pain you went through for almost four years, battling leukemia.

I'm actually pretty sleepy due to the fact that I haven't slept for more than 24 hours. I slept last night, but it wasn't enough I guess. But I want this piece to be up today, by hook or by crook.

Last Sunday, my friends and I were informed that Ami was having difficulty breathing, therefore she was warded again (after countless times) for the said cause. And on Tuesday, it has came to our attention too that Ami's condition wasn't looking so great. We have our Whatsapp group, and usually we would talk and spread anything we know in that particular group. So we were informed by Naz, Ami's husband that Ami is 'tenat' (very very ill).

I was resting at that time due to the migraine that I was feeling. But when I read the line 'tenat' I immediately jumped off from my bed and began talking to my girls asking them whether they wanted to visit Ami at the hospital. But we were told that it wasn't advisable for us to do so as we would actually disturb Ami. So we were torn. To visit or not to visit.

Despite the migraine, I thought to myself, there's no chance for me to miss this. Of course I was expecting the best out of Ami, expecting that she will recover and soon come back home. But I dunno, something inside of me wants to prepare for the worst too. After all, it is sunnah for you to visit the sick, right? I gathered up my sisters and offered to help collect money to donate to Ami. Because usually they would initiate the donation collecting, so I thought, this should be my turn then.

Alhamdulillah, we managed to collect quite a sum of donations thanks to our sisters in such a short period of time. Imagine, I started blasting it at 2-3pm, and by 5.30pm, a lot was transferred into my account. So Fira who was available at that time said she could accompany me to see Ami at the hospital, so we did. At 6.45pm we reached there and was warned by the guard to make our visit short as the visiting hours was to end in 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah, whatever, I thought.

Upon reaching her cubicle, I saw Ami there, lying on her right side, feet curled up. Ami's mom was on the side of the bed, where Ami was facing, and Reni and Tita (Ami's friends, now mine), was massaging Ami's back with Zam Zam water, helping her up to sit and drink etc.

So Fira, Reni and I stepped out of the cubicle and that's when Reni (owner of Kree), explained to me what condition Ami is actually in at that time. I couldn't catch half of what she said cause I myself was distraught by the view I saw a minute ago. All I could catch is that Ami's white blood level count has reached 300, having 4 being the normal number for us healthy people. Can you imagine the difference?? YA ALLAH............

Suggested by Naz and Reni, the money were about to hand to them should be put to better use in the name of Ami. Being the humble guy, Naz respectfully declined the donation we had brought, and Reni advised for us to divide the donations; some for the tahfiz for solat hajat that was to be held that night, some to distribute to various Masjids around KL under Ami's name, and some to give to Naz jugak whether he wants it or not. For Ami's supplies.

Fira and me agreed to start distributing it that night jugak. So we managed to visit 6 Masjids that night and distributed the money. While doing this, I said to Fira, "I never knew that we could do this you know? I mean like you donate to Masjids or orphanages to help the sick. I know that I will definitely do this again in the future if somebody I love is sick too. I totally learnt something new today Fira." And she agreed with me wholeheartedly.

Went back home, and got my rest. I'm kind of nocturnal you know. I can't sleep until it's 3am on most days even though I have tried to shut my eyes off at 12am. I just can't sleep. So what do I usually do? I would flick through the screen on my iPad and laugh my ass off reading 9Gag. Yes, my ladies. That's what I do to let me fall asleep. Stupid, right? It was the same that night. I was scrolling through 9Gag, and at 1.40am, a whatsapp message beeped. I check my phone, and................................

Naz's message on Ami's phone in our Scarflets' Sisters whatsapp group:
Ami dah pergi. Semoga dia ditempatkan di tempat orang orang yang beriman
26/3/2014  01.29am

Ami has left us. May she be placed amongst the righteous.
26/3/2014  01.29am


It's funny how one person can not only change your life, in fact, change thousands of others while at it. We've witnessed it all how Ami battled cancer. Seeing it relapsed for a couple of times. Seeing how Ami changed her lifestyle.  How she falls and gets back up on her own, strong and composed. How colourful her posts are. How she expresses her thoughts and opinions eloquently. How she attends faith, social and fashion events dressed impeccably. How she manages to snap pictures with everyone (and have them up). How she makes you want to start to drink and eat clean. How she manages to join prelove parties despite not being well. How major companies wants her to grace their events. How articulate her fashion inspirations are. Her wicked sense of humor, her spirit, her game and her presence. Seeing how fabulously she'd done it.

I'm envious of this girl named, Ami.

How did she do this??

Don't get me started on Naz, Ami's husband. My friends and I have seen the sacrifices Naz makes, and the hardships that he has to go through with Ami. Not a single whine. The kindness, the care and concern. We see it all, Naz. And we talked about it behind your back. How patient you are. How strong and how great you are at this. How you put Ami's needs before yours. How you try to provide the best for her. Above all, how in love you are with her.

I'm sorry to say this, knowing that Ami was diagnosed with cancer a month after being married to you is indeed a blessing in disguise for her (the being married part, not the cancer part). I hope you'll get through this, especially seeing that your wedding anniversary is just next week. *Somebody please slap me now*

On my way back home from her funeral in Parit, Perak, yesterday, at the back seat, I looked out the car window, I envisioned Ami's beautiful roh in beautiful pastels floating outside with butterflies and birds around her, waving me goodbye and saying "Thank you for coming Shea" with that big beautiful smile of yours, as you always would.

(Printscreen from her Instagram)

Taken in Jakarta, 2012, minutes before our first talk in front of hijabi Indonesians at 'Sisterhood by Dian Pelangi' event. We squealed in excitement and screaming *cantikkkk!* upon seeing this image of us after capturing it. I guess each of us thinks we look gorg in this pic! LOLOL.. Ahhh, girls! :D

I love you Ami, Scarflets loves you, the whole world loves you. Always have, always will. Please forgive me and all of us for any wrongdoings we might've consciously or subconsciously done to you. You are in such a better place now, closer than ever to our Creator. Even though you might not physically be here anymore, you will always have a place in our hearts. 

On behalf of Scarflets, sorry if our neverending whatsapp messages to you bothers you up there. And if our tears here hurts you there.. We miss you terribly :'( 


P/s: A little note from Naz and Ami's family, if ever Ami owed you or are indebted to you financially, or in the form of jobs relating to her blog and social medias, please please contact him, or in other better words, claim it halal for her. Naz sends his sincerest apologies to whom Ami might've caused fault in the past and wishes for your forgiveness towards his late wife. If anything, just contact this num (+60127591117 Nazrul Hisham). Oh, and if you're planning on donating some cash, email me at and I will assist you how. We're planning on a donation drive for Ami's hajj (pilgrimage). Details about that later yea.
Be First to Post Comment !
Lizzie Yasmin said...

Ami sangat bertuah ada kawan macam u Shea. I menangis sambil baca.Allah lebih sayangkan dia. I know she LOVE you too, as how you love her so much.

Myra Abdullah said...

semoga kak ami ditempatkan dikalangan hamba2 yg solehah.
kehilangannya sgt terasa.
walau tak pernah bersua muka,tapi blog kak ami selalu dijenguk.

My Own Fairytale said...

Dear Shea,

Thank you so much for sharing all of this with us.
I really thought dear Ami would win this fight again :-(
I'm so sorry for the loss of your good friend.
I only had some contact with her via Internet, but i knew from the first day she was such an amazing woman.
I will never forget Ami.

salam aleykum warahmatullah wabarakatu,

Big hug Laleh

xitane said...

Amazing post. I, who know nothing about you or Ami, well except in the cyber world felt the absence of her in your life, or even in mine (wpn maya)

Continue what you're doing. I too learn a thing or two from this post.

Ciare Baha said...

Salam shea, 1st time komen sini.

Ya Allah, i nangis ni baca kisah dia tenat tu... She was my roommate back then in KMPP. Ya Allah, Kau hapuskan segala dosa Salmi Syahirah, Ya Allah, Kau tempatkanlah Salmi Syahirah di kalngan hamba2 Mu yang beriman. Amin...

Ami, gonna miss you forever T_T

phatgurl said...

I'm in tears when I received the news and I'm now, while reading your blog post. I only knew her through her writings and her photos but the feeling is just like losing a great friend. Ami will be dearly missed. Al-Fatihah.

ShopaholicBlinx said...

Assalam shea,

entry ni sgt menyentuh hati hingga menitik air mata.
semoga scaflets dan Naz terus tabah menghadapi ujian ini.

bila pagi tu tgk IG kate Ami sudah tiada berjuraian air mata diiringi alfatihah utknye.

saya x mengenali ami secara dekat, tp seringkali berkomen IG dan FB dgnnye. she such a lovely gal yg sgt commited membalas segala komen, dan pertanyaan fan seperti saya. saya juga pembaca tegar blognye, mengikuti fashionnye, mengubah cara hidup eat clean yang terdorong darinya. juga telah membeli beberapa preloved item miliknye..secara tidak langsung saya rasa die dekat dgn saya.

perasaan saya amat terkesan mendengar berita kehilangan seorang sabahat sepertinye..

Ya Allah swt kau ampunla dosa ami, kau letakkan lah dirinye di antara orang2 yang beriman disamping mu.

shea said...

I yg rasa sgt bertuah ada kawan mcm dia.. i rasa i xde offer pape yg baik pun kat dia sebagaimana dia berikan kepada kita semua.. tq ya..

Ameen ya Rabb..

shea said...

My Own Fairytale:
We did so too.. yes, Allah indeed is the best planner.. I'm just glad that Ami doesnt have to suffer the pain that is cancer anymore..

Thank you so much..

shea said...

Ciare Baha:
Ameen, ameen, ameen!

Yes, indeed she will be missed.. thank you..

FJ said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Wiaam Hassan said...

hi there...
jom singgah sini,
ada byk shawl color cantik cantik.. yang penting labuh :)

FJ said...

menangis i baca ni...
al-fatihah buat ami

Sizzling Suzai said...

adoih... T.T be strong be strong only can say that me myself is crying reading this shea. yup smoga ami diletakkn bersama org2 yg beriman amin...

nur 'atikah jamsuri said...

my condolences to ami and family.... may allah bless her soul and place her among the good people.... insyaallah... amin..../:)

Syarifah Nornazrah Al Yahya said...

Innalillahiwainnailaihirojiun. Semoga arwah ditempatkan dikalangan org2 yg beriman. Rajin2kan membaca al fatihah utk dia, sedekahkan utk dia semoga dia tenang di sana.

Allah lebih menyayanginya.. dari dia menderita, adalah lebih baik dia pergi.. but, kita yg masih ada ni, kena remember utk sentiasa mengingati mati.

Salam takziah buat keluarga Ami and rakan2.

hajar izahar said... xcy ada follow dua bloggers y suffer luekimia.kini cume tinggal seorg sj lg..sunyila dunia ni tnpa mereka.sbb kite da biase visit blog mereka.bygkn ttba da xde ape y nk d visit.sedih kn??..smg brd bsama org y ftihah..

Nsa Adenan said...


Sekarang shea pulak yg dah pergi meninggalkan kita buat selama2nya.

Semoga roh Allahyarhamah Farah Syahira and Allahyarhamah Salmi Syahirah ditempatkan dikalangan orang2 yg beriman.