Wouldn't it be beautiful? The thought of myself walking down the steps of my home with long winding train trailed behind me. The thought of having saturated red ink tipping my fingers and the thought of crying myself controllably as I enter the next phase of my life.
It's all a dream. And indeed a beautiful one, for everyone I must add.
Here I am gazing straight out the window of this 7 hour journey flight and sinking deep into my thoughts. It's the fluffy clouds I guess. It makes you think, and ponder and imagine. It makes you realise of things that you might overlook this past few years, or forgotten about for an eternity.
I'm at the stage where all my peers (well mostly) are at the brink of expecting their 2nd child on the way. And here I am, traveling the world with the pair of wings God gifted me with. Like, when will it be my turn? When will I be the queen of the day? When will I look forward to the day when I wake up and learn that my priority in life, is somewhat not mine alone anymore?
As I clicked next on the iPod and it rolls into a shuffle of songs, leading me to this particular tune which sings, "What do you get when you fall in love? A guy with a pin, to burst your bubble. That's what you get for all your troubles... I'll never fall in love again.." Well I have to say, I'm running out of bubbles to be burst.
It's like the song and the iPod knew what my mind was currently thinking about and it's forcing me to sink deeper into these deathly thoughts. Should I start thinking about marriage now? A serious question I'm asking myself and still couldn't find the answer. But why is it so hard to find the answer? For starters maybe because you're happy being in your little cocoon knowing you yourself who has the power to break yourself. Not anyone or anything else. Or maybe it's because the past wounds have been so frequent and hurtfully back-to-back that they no longer can permanently heal?
And as I stare deeper into the vast dark blue sky, I noticed a line of tangerine horizontal rays ascends its way up above. The sky was totally dark one minute, and here's the sun making its way above ensuring light enters every nook of the clouds. That's when I thought, if the darkest of nights can turn itself into the brightest of days, then I'm sure my 'night' will actually fade and let the 'day' makes its way into my life once again.
The question is now, should I start thinking about marriage?
Post written 40000ft above sea level enroute to Hokkaido, Japan, 2nd October 2015.