Assalamualakum everyone! Wow, a month has really gone by without me posting anything here, huh? Well, I have all the valid reasons if you ask me. Some of you might be directed from my Instagram post to this blog, while some of you may be a bit surprised seeing the title of this post.
Yes my friends, as sad as this may sound, I would like to personally inform you that I have cancer.
That is the only sole reason as to why I haven't been updating much as of late. Even on my other social media pages, as you can see, I'm not 'exactly there' even though there are some updates. Know what I mean? So this has been a huge boulder lifted off my chest for me to actually write this out and profess to the whole world to something I feel very personal about. The thing is, I don't feel like myself if I don't share it with you. That's what happens when you have basically shared everything online for the past 9 years.
I've been in and out of the hospital for quite some time these past few months. It all started late last year. And the processes, tests, pokes, bad news after bad news, aren't all fun and dandy. I was diagnosed with cancer just two weeks before my birthday, today. So within these past few days, life has been totally different and ultimately a new journey for me and my family.
Finding out you have cancer is equivalent to knowing any of your family member gets cancer (naudzubillah). It just changes everything. I was a wreck when I first found out about it. I cried for days non-stop. And I would just mope around and automatically be in tears whenever pain kicks in or whenever flashes of the future comes into mind. My future.
It is extremely scary I tell you.
That's the first emotion I had when the doctor told me, "Shea, I'm sorry to tell you this, it's cancer".
All of those questions and more. But the good thing is apart from this calamity that has fallen upon me, is that I realised my support system was stronger than ever. Family and close friends who knew about it were all concerned to the core about me and have been nothing but kind to lend in anything in order to help me. Even strangers that knew of my story too.
With that realisation, I find that it was easier for me to accept all of this like any true Muslim should. Even though I have to live with the pain daily (not for long--positive shea comes in), I've come to terms with it, and I am more than grateful that Allah swt has chosen me, ME, to go through such test.
I have hugeeee belief in these two notions:
Everything happens for a reason, and;
Allah will not burden a soul more than he can bear.
So with these two concepts that we have learnt since young is already embedded in me, I find that I am actually okay with all of this. The one thing that I didn't like about having cancer is the fact that I will cause trouble to many people around me especially family. I hope they will find it in their hearts to forgive me.
And as for now, I would like to apologise for this is all that I can tell you about the diagnosis. I will peel another layer later and gain that extra courage to share with you in detail as to what cancer it is that I'm going through. In fact, everything will be different from now on.
When you've striked one of the worst diseases, you will most certainly change in some way or another, right? Be it spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. But please, one thing I ask from you, my dear friends who have been with me since day one, is to not feel sorry for me. Like I've mentioned before, I'm really okay with this :)
All my love,