February 8, 2017

Thoughts: I Am Diagnosed With Cancer

Assalamualakum everyone! Wow, a month has really gone by without me posting anything here, huh? Well, I have all the valid reasons if you ask me. Some of you might be directed from my Instagram post to this blog, while some of you may be a bit surprised seeing the title of this post.

Yes my friends, as sad as this may sound, I would like to personally inform you that I have cancer.

That is the only sole reason as to why I haven't been updating much as of late. Even on my other social media pages, as you can see, I'm not 'exactly there' even though there are some updates. Know what I mean? So this has been a huge boulder lifted off my chest for me to actually write this out and profess to the whole world to something I feel very personal about. The thing is, I don't feel like myself if I don't share it with you. That's what happens when you have basically shared everything online for the past 9 years.

I've been in and out of the hospital for quite some time these past few months. It all started late last year. And the processes, tests, pokes, bad news after bad news, aren't all fun and dandy. I was diagnosed with cancer just two weeks before my birthday, today. So within these past few days, life has been totally different and ultimately a new journey for me and my family.

Finding out you have cancer is equivalent to knowing any of your family member gets cancer (naudzubillah). It just changes everything. I was a wreck when I first found out about it. I cried for days non-stop. And I would just mope around and automatically be in tears whenever pain kicks in or whenever flashes of the future comes into mind. My future.

It is extremely scary I tell you.

Frightening.

That's the first emotion I had when the doctor told me, "Shea, I'm sorry to tell you this, it's cancer". 

"Why me?"

"Why now?"

"Why cancer?"

All of those questions and more. But the good thing is apart from this calamity that has fallen upon me, is that I realised my support system was stronger than ever. Family and close friends who knew about it were all concerned to the core about me and have been nothing but kind to lend in anything in order to help me. Even strangers that knew of my story too.

With that realisation, I find that it was easier for me to accept all of this like any true Muslim should. Even though I have to live with the pain daily (not for long--positive shea comes in), I've come to terms with it, and I am more than grateful that Allah swt has chosen me, ME, to go through such test. 

I have hugeeee belief in these two notions:
Everything happens for a reason, and;
Allah will not burden a soul more than he can bear.

So with these two concepts that we have learnt since young is already embedded in me, I find that I am actually okay with all of this. The one thing that I didn't like about having cancer is the fact that I will cause trouble to many people around me especially family. I hope they will find it in their hearts to forgive me.

Gosh, waterfalls.

And as for now, I would like to apologise for this is all that I can tell you about the diagnosis. I will peel another layer later and gain that extra courage to share with you in detail as to what cancer it is that I'm going through. In fact, everything will be different from now on.

When you've striked one of the worst diseases, you will most certainly change in some way or another, right? Be it spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. But please, one thing I ask from you, my dear friends who have been with me since day one, is to not feel sorry for me. Like I've mentioned before, I'm really okay with this :)

All my love,
Shea
Be First to Post Comment !
TArAKuYa ShEnObIHA said...

"Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. "Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people."
Al-Baqarah, Ayat 286

Raja Nur Izzati Raja Mohar said...

Hi Shea. I've been following u since i was in high school. To be honest this news shocked me but, all I can say is stay strong. I have few relatives survived from cancer and it's not impossible for you to completely recover too.
Lots of love & prayers for u 💪

Maira Razak said...

Jazakallah khairan kathira dear shea

jnnhmds said...

hang in there! all this while, ive been a silent reader and follower but this time...

end of 2015, doctor found a 5cm tumor in my brother's brain. alhamdulillah it's not active but he had to adjust his lifestyle from someone who'd play futsal everyday after work to someone who needs to be accompanied everywhere most of the time and that crushed him. when we first heard the news, everbody didnt know what to say or do. it's shocking. you saw it on TV, you know some distant friends who have it or have a diagnosed family member but you sorta dont think it would never happen to you or your loved ones. when it does, you just blank out. thankfully time heals. i wish you well. dont give up hope. الله love you!

Syafiqah Hashim said...

Be strong kak shea. pika doakan yang baik2. InshaaAllah.

Sandra Buana Sari said...

Be strong Shea! There is a Can on cancer, you CAN beat it! Wish you a good health and smooth preparation to kick out the cancer :) syafakillah sister

Siti Suesie said...

be strong shea.. semoga cepat sembuh.. love u so much.. i pray for u everything can be good.. Insyaallah

atiqah mutaza said...

shea.. i xtaw nak luahkan macam mana. i just feel link i wanna hug u.. i know u are strong enough to face this.. and i hope u keep fighting and please dont give up..Allah with u and us your readers your fans will always pray for u inshaallah...

myracupcake said...

FIrst of all, happy birthday Shea ! May Allah bless you always ! May Allah ease everything for you sister. Allah SWT will always be with you. May He give you strength to face all of these. I will always pray the best for you ♥ Chin up and stay strong :)

AiniHalim said...

Happy Birthday Shea.. i hope you can cope for everything you do and be truly positive in mind.. I'm one of your silent reader.. I've seen you in so many shows even you as a host.. you look lovely and pretty.. Don't stop smiling like you always smile before.. Allah S.W.T loves you dear.. take care..

Anne said...

Salam kak shea. InsyaAllah i know u will be okay. Allah amat sayangkan kak shea. And He knows that you can go through all this situation.

Just want to share, recently what happen , my sister just delivered her first baby past 2 weeks. Unluckily the next day after she delivered the baby, the baby had a problem which relating to heart and artery etc disease. The news really heart breaking to the whole family members because we ' re not willing to see such little baby has to undergo a prosedur/operatian at such early weeks. Now still in icu and waiting for the prosedur. Everyday we will visit and give courage to the baby to keep strong💪

What i can say is that at first after being told the condition of the baby truly we are blank and sad of course.Everyday is like gloomy, teary and we are hoping for miracle to happen. But then we know that this is a part of test from Allah and He wants us to keep attach with Him for whatever that may happen. Every second we keep praying the best for the baby and know that Allah is with us.

To kak shea, I know u can do it. Just keep praying and you feel better insyaAllah. ❤❤

Nia said...

Be strong my dear Shea. I love your blog since your Scarflets days but just as a silent reader.I love your spirit. Everything that you do inspired me including now. I am continuing my Master Degree because of u ;) How you handle this positively make me admire you even more. May Allah ease everything for you. Love u adik.

Wani Tralala said...

I know that you are a very strong woman. I pray that you will recover soon. The most important thing is do not lose hope! xoxo

Khadijah M said...

Salaam Shea, I've been following you for years and years, and so many years. Probably since high-school and I'm 25 now. I can't even tell you how much of a positive influence you've had on me, on the way i view modest fashion, and religion. I know you are going through tough times and it's hard to feel positive in these moments. I just want you to remember how much you are loved, and how many people are praying for you. We're all here for you. Insha Allah you will get through this and come out of it stronger than ever. Ameen.
Love,
Khadijah

Tamima Nese said...

From Dakar, Senegal

Salam aleikum my dear, from another continent i'm sending you lots of love and prayers. I've been folowwing you since a very long time now and i was really shocked when i first learned about this on your instagram. Allah Azzawajal Tests the ones He loves my sister. Be strong ( and i know you are ). Lots of prayers for you and your family.

love,
Mame Awa

asyiqin said...

Hi love, you know what, i just been following you like today but by reading this it does ache my heart a bit. I mean not just a bit but, kinda surprised that you have the urged to open up bout this to the public. Because there is one of my friend were still refused to even get out from her house. She don't think that's not a good idea and no use to that.

So hang in there, this is what that have been written by Allah,& every person in this world that have different kind of test. Will be waiting for your next post!xx

lia said...

Salam Shea, I have enjoyed reading your posts and my heart dropped when I read this latest post. We can only imagine what you are going through, but you have such a zest for life and strength that I'm sure no matter what, you will be alright. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Jue Hairul said...

Semoga dipermudahkan semua urusan shea

YUSLIYANA YUSZANO said...

Shea,

No matter how hard it is for you. I hope you won't ever give up in achieving your biggest dream! Just so you know, life doesn't end when the bad news came right? Even when it doesn't feel the same, don't ever let that stop you. My prayers will always be with you and your family.

Hershey said...

I have been following you since 2009 and i think i just drop fews comments on your ig but you inspired me a lot. Just got to read this and I'm so shocked, but I know you're stronger than the test Allah tested you with. Get well soon Shea!xoxo

cacah said...

Hope you will always be strong!
InsyaAllah!

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